Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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