i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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