office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
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just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
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Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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