Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
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She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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