I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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