I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i think i just lost a toe
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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