I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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