if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
tonight lets celebrate not being married
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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