She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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