my mouth tastes like poor choices
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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