oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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