How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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