Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
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I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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