Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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