Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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