I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize