I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
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I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
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I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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