Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize