I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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