I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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