This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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