Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
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So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
And then he peed in my hair
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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