i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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