I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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