WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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