I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
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Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
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If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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