i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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