I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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