Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
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I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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