so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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