My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize