You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize