matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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