cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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