it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
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I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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