Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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