nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
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Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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