From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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