I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize