My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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