i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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