Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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