I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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