I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
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She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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