I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize