Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize