I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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