I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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