i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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