I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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